"Two Wuv"- Tally Hall

"When I Get Home You're So Dead"- Mayday Parade

=D!!!!

Okay, so I took the second part of my G.E.D yesterday, holy crap was it easy. It's not even funny. I can't believe they gave such an easy test for a G.E.D.

We started at 5:30 and the time limit was 9:30, which most people finished at....I got done at 7:25. Alittle over three hours early. O.O

Butttttttttt other then that, this morning I found out one of my best friends had gotten the shit beat out of her.

By her ex-boyfriend.

I am SO mad. I don't think I could express how mad I am right now.

This isn't the first time that this had happened either. He had beat her before, and both times that this had happend, she hadn't done anything about it.

I'm sick of this though. She didn't even tell her mom what had really happened! So I told her that if she doesn't tell her mom that her ex-boyfriend was the one that hit her, then I was going to tell her mom whether she liked it or not.

KSDPI*FY(SDGY()EWTUOIJVLKSJVHPIO*DSY(G*PERSypg98rhtg9p8raht8b9earngrth
ANGRY!!!!!!!

"Nine In The Afternoon"- Panic At The Disco

So today I took the first part of my GED test.

I'm pretty sure I haven't written that I dropped out of highschool, well...if not, I just did.

I was really behind credits, and none of the teachers would help me get back on track, and so I just kept swirling down failure's drain. Even if I had passed all my classes this year, I wouldn't have enough to graduate.

I'm smart, it's just....I didn't try, and I'm kind of kicking myself in the ass for it. But what happened in the past happened in the past, and there's nothing I can do to change it. The only thing that I can do is prevent that sort of thing from happening when I go to college.

I take the second part of the test tomorrow. I don't think it'll be that hard, tomorrow's test that is. Today's test was easy, aside from the math portion.

I actually finished an hour early... At, seriously, Nine.

=]

But im brain tired.

*yawn*

No song for the title of this blog today

I've been having a CRAPPY week.

=(

My grandma passed away, my friends are ignoring me, and I have to study like mad so I can get my GED....ontop of that I applied for a job at McDonalds.

*sigh*

"Keep Holding On"- Avril Lavigne

I had written earlier about my friend that has the brain, spine, and lung cancer.

She had been doing pretty well wit the treatment, the cancerous tumors in her lungs had gone away and the tumors on her spine were beginning to go away as well. Everything seemed to be looking brighter.

Well...that was until her boyfriend had dumped her. He had said "I'm not sure if I can handle a girlfriend that has cancer." Who the, excuse my french, fuck says that in a situation like this!? She has given him so many chances that he didn't even deserve- like the time he had slept with another girl, she had forgiven him. Or the time where he said that he wasn't sure he loved her anymore, she stayed with him then too. She was so in love with him, and he was too blind to see what a great thing he had infront of him, how lucky he was to have a girlfriend as beauitful and caring as he did. Then he went and fucked up their relationship, and her life.

I was hanging out with her two nights ago and we were aimlessly driving around, listening to music, and talking things over. I thought that she was doing pretty well, and she thought she was too. Well, that was until she had pulled the car over into an empty parkinglot, claiming that she couldn't breathe- and she began to cough up blood. It was one of the scariest moments of my life. I had no idea what to do. As soon as she started to cough up blood, she stopped. But even though it didn't last long- we both knew that the cancer had returned to her lungs, suprisingly quick.

She had called her Dad, telling him what had happened- so he told her that he wanted her to take me home and then go straight back to her house with Ryan (who's another one of our best friends who was staying over because he had a really bad fight with his parents) and then they would go to the hospital first thing in the morning.

I thought everything would be okay.

Then I got the call.

Her mother had called me at noon, telling me that my best friend had been taken to the hospital last night.

She had tried to commit suicide, and if Ryan wasn't there, she wouldn't be alive today.

It sort of hurts, that she didn't talk to me about it. We tell each other everything, we have no secerets from each other. She's like the younger sister I never thought I would want. She had told me that I was her rock for when things were too rough for her to deal with on her own...so why did she try to take her own life?

She had been telling me how much her boyfriend had been there for her, and without him she didn't know if she would be able to get through the cancer... I had tried my hardest to be there for her, to comfort her when ever I could.

I'm just so confused. I've been trying not to think about it too much today.

The only thing that I can always count on to be there for me, is music. There's one band in particular that I would really like to thank for helping me get through this, Fall Out Boy.

Their music has always been there for me when something goes wrong whether it be a boy putting my heart in a blender, a fight with my family or friends, or lonliness. Their music has never failed me before, and it hasn't now.

I can't even begin to express how much they mean to me and what they have helped me to get through.

I just wish that I could be there for my friend, like Fall Out Boy's music has been there for me.

"I just want to live"- Good Charlotte

Just to warn you, before yous start reading this- I'm going to rant.

Ready?

I don't understand why some people think about the days you spend in highschool are supposed to be some of the best days of your life. They're filled with trying to suck up to people you're never going to see after you get out, and cramming knowledge into your head you're probably not going to use.

Everyone always says that you should always try to be yourself, but when you're going through K-12 and you get to know the same group of people don't you, in a way, start to become just like them? Don't get me wrong, people relate to eachother by similarities, but I've known people who are so used to copying off of everything that someone else is doing- that when they're on their own, they have no idea who they are, and they don't know what to do.

I used to be like that a few years back. I was easily suggestible and influanced...Until one day I looked back on myself and decided that I didn't like who I was. So when summer vacation came around, I spent a lot of time by myself, reflecting on who I was as a person, and not as a member of a group.

It does get lonely, it really does. Sometimes I feel like I have no one that I can connect to on a mental or an emotional level- I suppose why I'm on the computer so often. I'm looking for that connection. Perhaps that's also why I can never seem to find a boyfriend, ever. There's no one that I know that has the same views, morals, and intrests that I do. But I know better then to settle because I can't find anything else.

I'm just the kind of girl that would rather stay in and cuddle up to watch movies then go out to a steriotypical highschool party where there's only drinking, more drinking, rounding the bases with someone you probably don't even know, making a fool out of yourself, and the what-not.

Is it so bad that sometimes I just want to drive around and have the silence filled with music? Or even laying in the grass late at night, making shapes out of the stars?

I'm the kind of girl that likes hugs more then kisses, fall over summer, the calvery kids version of soulja boy more then the original, guys with peircings and tattoos. I crave unorginization, spontanious actions, and bad mistakes that I'm only going to laugh at in the future.

I love the rush that I get after being at a concert, but yet I also know that at the end of the day- every famous person, at the end of the day, is just like everyone else. They all have flaws and things that they don't like about themselves, and that they had started out just a regular 'nobody' before they had their lucky break.

Like every girl, I love being complemented- but I don't really know how to take a complement very well, I've never had much luck with boys- or the relationship scene in general.

I'd rather be called cute or gorgeous over sexy and hott.

Looks matter to me, I'll admit that. Because, lets face it, if you marry someone- you'd want them to have a face that you can stand to wake up to everyday. But that doesn't mean that ALL I care about are looks, they're just a perk.

I love guys with personality. I wouldn't want someone I'd date to be a mindless suckerfish, feeding off my own personality. Sure, sometimes I may have an overwhelming personality- and be a bit too headstrong...but I don't have enough of that to go around.

Sometimes I like to argue, not like...in a hateful way, but I like to have an intelligant debate and be able to exchange my views with others respectfully. I understand that not everyone thinks the same way, and I never want to push my views and beliefs on other people, but I do like to hear and try to understand why they see things the way that they do.

Even though I come from a small city, I have big city dreams. I want to live in a nice apartment in Chicago and be a successful clothing designer. Maybe for a few years I could tour around with a band or something, I know that's a dream that probably won't come true- but that's the wonderful thing about dreams, that they're your dreams and that even though some things may come and go in your life, your dreams may still remain the same. If you have your dreams of what you'd like to do in your life, it has to mean that you have some sort of hope- and with hope, almost anything can be acomplished. At least, that's what I think.

I'm also the sort of girl that cares more about the actual music itself then the band members. As long as the music is good, and I like it, I don't really care who it is. It really bothers me when people won't listen to music because some of the band members aren't that good looking, or might not be that fit. I don't understand it, looks have nothing to do with the ability to create good music. It's not as if their dazzling smile can charm the vocalists voice to magically sound better, or a rock hard sixpack can make a breakthrough demo.

I love flaws. I really do. It's what makes people different and interesting. If everyone was perfect- they would all be the same. I want to be able to be someone's definition of their imperfections. I want to be able to embrace someone's flaws and their mistakes and at the end of the day still be able to like them for who they are. My friends, for example, I love them unconditionally- not because I expect them to do the same for me but because they except me for who I am and who I'm not. They know that I have flaws and that I make mistakes and sometimes may get aggrivated at them with no reason. They don't expect me to be perfect, they expect me to be human. I really couldn't ask for better friends then the ones that I have. I may not have a lot of friends that are execptionally close to me, but the ones that are, they're the ones that I can count on to bail me out of jail if I ever get arrested with out asking why, the ones that I could kidnap and take on an adventure, the ones who will let me cry on their shoulder, and the ones that I can still get mad at but at the same time love them at the end of the day.

I do believe that a lot of things in life are taken for granted. Like microwaves, if you had to eat cold leftovers for the rest of your life after you put them in the fridge, I'd be pretty mad. Sure you could use the oven again- but there's nothing like the 'ding' from a microwave after the short ammount of time your food as been reheating. Or the fact that houses come with a roof and they don't have dirt floors. I would be pretty freaked out if one morning, I woke up to snow landing on my bed and a mole digging it's way under my dresser. Or even the fact that people have a sense of humor, because with out that...how are we supposed to get through awkward or difficult times?

There's just a lot of things that I'm grateful for...and I bet you, who ever is reading this (which is probably no one), are glad that this rant is over.

"Zoot Suit Riot"- Cherry Poppin' Daddies

I love love love love these pants that I made.

It was a lot of fun to splatter the paint all over my pants, and then add the patches on.

<3

"Born For This"- Paramore

I didn't make the butterfly graphics on the front of the shirt- but I did do the letters. =D

"It's Raining Men"- The Weather Girls

Okay... Well I probably should have just put "It's Raining A Man". Buttttt- that's not the actual title of the song

I seem to be having a sort of prediciment that I can't get myself out of. *sigh*

I used to work at United Artist, it's a movie theater, and I worked there for about 8 months. During that time there was this guy that liked me, when I quit, we stopped talking for a while. Then about a few months later we started talking again, and what do you know...he likes me- a lot.

I'm really not interested in him, at all. He's a super nice guy and everything, but when I talk to him I feel like I push myself to hold a converstation with him. Don't get me wrong, I really do like talking to him but I feel like I'm leading him on and I don't want to do that.

Yet at the same time I don't know how to tell him that I just want to be friends with out hurting his feelings.

I like the fact that I know that someone likes me, but I don't think it's fair to him at all if I keep going along with it- I don't want to hurt him. Besides that what if, because of the situation i'm in, he meets someone that he could be really happy with- but he doesn't see that because he likes me. That would suck, really.

Some people might say "Give him a chance, you'll never know what could happen." But the thing is- he's not my type at all. I'm not even attracted to him in the slighest.

He deserves someone that could like him back, and that person isn't me.

He cares so much about me, unconditionaly, and I don't think that I deserve someone like him to like me when I don't like him at all.

It's strange to me though, that he can like me when we don't even hang out.

*sigh*

I always seem to be in this sort of situation with a guy. A guy likes me that I'm not interested in and I always wind up breaking his heart.





I may be a victim of a few hit and run heartaches

...

But as far as I know, i'm the one driving the car that winds up hitting the hearts, even if I don't mean to.

I guess my friends arn't kidding when they call me "a hit and run heartache".

It's not my fault, blame cupid who gave me the license.

"Get Busy Living Or Get Busy Dying"- Fall Out Boy

So I had this hoodie that I never wore, and I figure that it needed some 'pizazz'

so I decorated it.

Yes, it's all hand drawn and colored.

=]




"I'm falling apart to songs about"


"Hips & Hearts"

"Guilty Pleasure"- Cobra Starship

So I made this Cobra Starship tanktop today. =D

It wasn't that hard to design, at all. Honestly. The hardest part was making the stencil for the letters and then coloring that in. The hand in the middle of the shirt didn't even take me ten minutes.

I'm going to make more Band T's later on. =D

"Cupids Chokehold"- Gym Class Heros

I am really, really, really, REALLY tired of hearing stuff like;
-"Omg, Ashlee Simpson is such a skank"
-"Pete deserves better"
-"She's only using him"
-"She's not even pretty"

Seriously, what the hell is wrong with the people who says that kind of thing? Who gives a damn who Pete Wentz is dating? He's happy, isn't he? Isn't that all that really matters.

If he really didn't like her, he probably would've dumped her by now. But he hasn't so that has to mean something, so seriously- leave them alone.

It's hard enough for them to have their personal lives all over the internet, not to mention the fact that people are constantly, and unjustly, disrespecting you because of who you're dating. That's juvenile, immature, and immensly rude.

Everyone just needs to get over the fact that the Fall Out Boy front man, as good looking as he is, is NOT single and won't break up with his girlfriend just because there's a group of people on the internet that are saying so.

If those people were really fans, and had some respect for Pete, then they would support him.

So what if Ashlee Simpson lip sync'd? Who really cares? People in Hollywood have done worse, and yet everyone can't seem to let that fact go. Just because she's famous doesn't mean that she's not human and not allowed to make mistakes.
At the end of the day she's just like everyone else. She has her flaws, yes, but so does everyone else. I don't see why that should be the only thing that people talk about.

I really feel sorry that there are so many people that are rude to her, and how those people disrespect the relationship that she had Pete have.

If those people could turn their attention from a relationship that they're not even involved in- they might be able to see the genocide that's going on in Darfur, or pay more attention to human trafficking and the child soldiers.

There's much more important things to focus your attention on.

So seriously, leave them alone. Get a life.

"Popping Champagne"- All Time Low

Steryotypical Assumptions And Accusations (I wrote this. =D)

Can't you see, can't you tell
Flying isn't dangerous
It's the landing that's hell
Say thanks to the mainstream.

You're like a zombie wondering the streets
Conforming to ideas left and right
What exactly are you good for
If you can't see where you're going

Can't you tell your life has been nothing less
Then letting yourself be ruled by
Stereotypical assumptions and accusations
Say thanks to the mainstream

Can't you see, can't you tell
Flying isn't dangerous
It's the landing that's hell
Say thanks to the mainstream

Open your eyes and welcome to reality
Welcome to reality
Your drunken words fuled by sober thoughts
Drunken words and sober thoughts

Twirl your hair and pop your gum
Cant you see they're laughing at you
Laughing at you from behind their facade
It's time to face up

Thanks to the mainstream
Shake it up

If you fail at something you've tried
It's not that you have to try again
It's that you have to destroy all the evidence
That you've tried
Cover it with make up

Can't you tell your life has been nothing less
Then letting your self be ruled by
Stereotypical assumptions and accusations
Say thanks to the mainstream

Can't you see, can't you tell
Flying isn't dangerous
It's the landing that's hell
Say thanks to the mainstream

Get a grip, throw a fit
Break free from the marionette strings
Controlling your conforming thought process
Silence your words coming from the ventriloquist

Can't you see, can't you tell
Flying isn't dangerous
It's the landing that's hell
Say thanks to the mainstream

Oh yeah
Just one more time
Say thanks to the mainstream

"Fences"- Paramore

A few videos of my friends and I. I have more, but...these are some of my favroites. =]

"Hallelujah"- Jeff Buckley

I made this video for my Contemporary Social Problems class.

"The Patron Saint Of Liars And Fakes"- Fall Out Boy

I decided...I have terrible luck with men.

You don't even know.

Shall I elaborate?

-The first guy to ask me out, asked me out as a joke, and he stood me up.
-My first boyfriend was paid to date me.
-My second boyfriend ignored me, he thought I was fat and ugly, and was only dating me because I was willing to date him. (He told me this himself)
-My third boyfriend, the first and only guy I slept with, dumped me the morning after.
-My fourth boyfriend abused me.


Oh, and not to mention the fact that I've been used countless times times so boys could get closer to my friends.

I know, however, that all guys arn't like this- and it's not fair for me to say that "All men are jackasses", because they're really not.

Sometimes I just want to be able to cuddle up with someone on the couch and watch a movie, or be able to go on dates with.

Have I mentioned the fact that I've never been on a real date before?

I guess, the fact that I've had so many misses on the dartboard of relationships, that when I actually do find a good boyfriend- I'll be able to appreciate him that much more.

I'm done with with relationships where you're just in it for the minute, and i'm with the boys who are hit and run heartaches.

If you're going to make it hurt, at least stick around for a while.

Relationships? Ha! More like, Relationshits

"Radios In Heaven"- Plain White T's

I had, orginally, started to write about the need for National Health Care...but...I got a phone call from my best friend.

A few weeks ago the doctors at Henry Ford Hospital in Detroit had found that she had tumors in her brain, and they were cancerous.

She went in for radiation treatement just a few days ago, but the doctors had said that the treatment did nothing.

As for today, she had woke up coughing up blood and had been bleeding from her ears. She was rushed to the hospital, only to be told that the cancer in her body has spread from her brain to her lungs and her spine. Her left lung is covered in cancerous tumors, as is her spine.

The doctors said that if they couldn't get rid of the cancer in her spine in six months, she would be immobile for the rest of her life. They also said that it was too late for chemo therepy, that it wouldn't get rid of the cancer fast enough- and that they would continue going with the radiation which only had a seventy-thirty percent chance of working, although it was in her favor. However, if the radiation doesn't work- the doctors are only giving her a year to live.

It all came out of no where. The day before she found out about the cancer we were hanging out, laughing, and doing all the usual things teenagers do.

Nobody deserves to have cancer. There are so many good memories that I have with her, I don't know one moment that I would want to take back. Even though we've been friends for three years, she's probably one of the two people closest to me out of anyone I know. We're able to understand each other with out having to explain ourselves, and we can tell each other anything with out worrying what the other will think.

I'm going to try to be optimistic about this though, because if there isn't hope then what do you have left? Besides, if you think you're going to get better, then you are. If you think you're not going to get better, you're not.

*sigh*

It's going to be a long year.

"An Ugly Bird In A Beautiful Cage"- Kisschasy

I was just listening to that song. Kisschasy is an amazing Australian indie band. <3

So I guess for these sort of...things, people usually write about themselves first? Right? Selfish pigs, haha. Seriously, Just kidding. Anyway, instead of writing meaningless paragraphs about myself, I'll settle for writing a list instead. =D

-Dogs>Cats
-I'd rather hang out with a few close friends and play video games then go to an annoyingly large house party.
-Iz be artzy
-I'm going to be a fashion designer. No ifs, ands, or buts about it.
-I'm nerdy, trust me when I say that.
-There are very few people who really understand my sense of humor.
-There are even fewer who actually understand how my mind works.
-If there wasn't music, I don't know how I would be able to get through it all.
-Fall Out Boy has changed me for the better in so many ways.
-Chicago is where my heart is.
-Some of the things that bother me the most is: When people use their cell phone when they're driving, people who chew insanely loud, and most of all- when people don't like something and they say "That's so gay". I. Hate. It.
-I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
-Rap is cancer for meh ears
-Ninjas>Pirates
-I hate conforming, I don't do well with the majority.
-I'm actually a natrual blonde, but I have black hair.
-I have my nose pirced, five earings on my left ear, six on my right, and I have a tattoo with another one coming soon.

I suppose that's enough for now, I mean...I'm sure don't you want to hear how sometimes I can make the conversations uncomfortable because sometime's I'll say things that don't relate to the conversation at all, or people don't understand what I said.

Or the fact that I'm the shortest one of my friends.


Yeah, guess not.


Anyway- I chose "An Ugly Bird In A Beautiful Cage" by Kisschasy as the title for this blog post because people just don't seem to understand that beauty really IS only skin deep. Someone could be strikingly beautiful, but have a horrible personality- and years down the road when they're old and wrinkled- their beauty will have faded, but their horrible personality is still there. It's just the fact that I think it's lame that people date people just for how they look, rather then their personality.

I'd rather be called cute, then sexy. Beautiful over hott. But...that's just me.

Annnnddddd I'm rambling, enough for today- or until I need to get up on a soap box. =]

-
<3
Melanie


Song of the day~ "An Ugly Bird In A Beautiful Cage" By: Kisschasy