"Keep Holding On"- Avril Lavigne

I had written earlier about my friend that has the brain, spine, and lung cancer.

She had been doing pretty well wit the treatment, the cancerous tumors in her lungs had gone away and the tumors on her spine were beginning to go away as well. Everything seemed to be looking brighter.

Well...that was until her boyfriend had dumped her. He had said "I'm not sure if I can handle a girlfriend that has cancer." Who the, excuse my french, fuck says that in a situation like this!? She has given him so many chances that he didn't even deserve- like the time he had slept with another girl, she had forgiven him. Or the time where he said that he wasn't sure he loved her anymore, she stayed with him then too. She was so in love with him, and he was too blind to see what a great thing he had infront of him, how lucky he was to have a girlfriend as beauitful and caring as he did. Then he went and fucked up their relationship, and her life.

I was hanging out with her two nights ago and we were aimlessly driving around, listening to music, and talking things over. I thought that she was doing pretty well, and she thought she was too. Well, that was until she had pulled the car over into an empty parkinglot, claiming that she couldn't breathe- and she began to cough up blood. It was one of the scariest moments of my life. I had no idea what to do. As soon as she started to cough up blood, she stopped. But even though it didn't last long- we both knew that the cancer had returned to her lungs, suprisingly quick.

She had called her Dad, telling him what had happened- so he told her that he wanted her to take me home and then go straight back to her house with Ryan (who's another one of our best friends who was staying over because he had a really bad fight with his parents) and then they would go to the hospital first thing in the morning.

I thought everything would be okay.

Then I got the call.

Her mother had called me at noon, telling me that my best friend had been taken to the hospital last night.

She had tried to commit suicide, and if Ryan wasn't there, she wouldn't be alive today.

It sort of hurts, that she didn't talk to me about it. We tell each other everything, we have no secerets from each other. She's like the younger sister I never thought I would want. She had told me that I was her rock for when things were too rough for her to deal with on her own...so why did she try to take her own life?

She had been telling me how much her boyfriend had been there for her, and without him she didn't know if she would be able to get through the cancer... I had tried my hardest to be there for her, to comfort her when ever I could.

I'm just so confused. I've been trying not to think about it too much today.

The only thing that I can always count on to be there for me, is music. There's one band in particular that I would really like to thank for helping me get through this, Fall Out Boy.

Their music has always been there for me when something goes wrong whether it be a boy putting my heart in a blender, a fight with my family or friends, or lonliness. Their music has never failed me before, and it hasn't now.

I can't even begin to express how much they mean to me and what they have helped me to get through.

I just wish that I could be there for my friend, like Fall Out Boy's music has been there for me.